10 ornaments to make your tree glow with pride
If you’re like me, your tree is a lazy lifelong scrapbook – the popcorn wreath that was half eaten by the dog (RIP Waggs Kiphart), an immense collection of Holiday Barbies (Don’t judge me. I was told this was a safe space), and enough Popsicle sticks and hot glue to keep Michael’s in business for years.
Yes, trees have it all…except that they don’t really reflect who you are now. And who you are now is a geek! A geek among geeks! Celebrate it as you celebrate the season!
1. Sweet smoky Santa!
ThinkGeek’s “Sparkling Bacon Ornament” ($6.99) answers the age-old question, “How do I incorporate smoked meats into my holiday decorations?”
Sparkly enough to shame a Vegas showgirl and bacony enough to attract the Bumpus hounds from next door, it is the perfect addition to your Martha Stewart-style holiday.
2. Give your tree a cold
This is the only time you’ll be happy to get at cold over the holidays. Giant Microbes are as cute as they are infectious ($25.95 for set of 5).
Buy a couple boxes and freak out the hypochondriac in your family or fascinate the cell biologist.
3. A very Vulcan Christmas
Celebrate that one Christmas we all grew goatees and got coal in our stockings. Yes, if there’s anything more reminiscent of the true meaning of Christmas than Spock fighting his evil doppelganger in “Mirror, Mirror,” ($29.95) then, I do not want to hear it.
Not only will it raise your tree’s IQ considerably by its mere presence, but it also plays the scene’s dialogue. Oh yes, this could be the start of a beautiful tradition.
4. Comics remixed
Etsy seller Kissadesign rolls old Sunday comics into these 80-pointed sea urchins of holiday spirit ($16). Perfect for those who want a subtle nod to their geekery on the tree (Because if there’s anything Christmas is known for, it’s good taste.)
This Polish folk art decoration might take your eye out, but at least it’ll do it festively!
5. Lego my Christmas tree
Feeling crafty? Chris McVeigh has instructions on his website for Lego ornaments. The holiday patterns for the interlocking blocks of Danish joy go from the traditional ornament shapes and then take it to the 11 of geekery – the Death Star and Millennium Falcon.
6. Tru Blood on my tree
Bring a little high camp to your tannenbaum with this bottle of Tru Blood ($19.99) from the eponymous HBO series. This bad boy is made from plastic, so you know if won’t fall and shatter into a million pieces, like Sookie’s heart after Bill’s unceremonious kidnapping right after he proposed!
7. Santa sees me rollin’…
Who’d have thought that Hallmark Keepsake ornaments would produce an endless well of geekaments?
Your tree can roll down the boulevards Adam West style with this 1966 Batmobile ($17.95). It even plays that timeless holiday classic. Come on; gather round, you know it by heart.
8. Have a ball!
Were you a kid that had to catch ‘em all? This sequined Pokeball ($13) is subtle enough to be mistaken for an ordinary tree sparkler by non-trainers. Only you know that you’re keeping Charizard on your blue spruce.
9. Only thing more elusive than Santa!
There’s been a Sasquatch sighting (or Yeti to our neighbors to the north), and it’s from inside your own house!
This Bigfoot ornament ($7) conveys absolutely no holiday spirit, unless you count glitter as holiday spirit. But, what it lacks in elves it makes up for mystery and whimsy!
10. Why do you want to make Santa cry?