Love. Wars have been fought for it. Religions have spawned for it. Heck, 500 miles have been walked for it.
And you’re going to prove yours by going to toe to toe with all the other desperate love struck fools out there in a battle royale for the last Whitman’s Sampler. And you better be ready to throw merciless elbows if you want to get your hands on roses.
Think zombie apocalypse meets “Notting Hill”…so “Shaun of the Dead.” Between Feb. 13 and 14, Kroger becomes exactly like Shaun of the Dead. Please don’t think I’m suggesting you bring a cricket bat to the grocery store. I don’t want to be liable for cricket-related injuries in the checkout.
No, I’m suggesting you take a moment, take a breath, and get your girl or guy (Yes, guys like getting gifts too!) something that reflects their passions and interests more than waxy chocolate.
In the interest of looking for an excuse to troll Etsy and general public safety (Again, please don’t bring cricket bats shopping), The Cool Ship has compiled some foolproof Valentine’s Day gifts for every flavor of geek.
What does it meme?
The Internet is for two things: porn and cats. Since this is a wholesome, family site, we’ll focus on the latter.
Last year you and your beloved got that Pop-Tart-wearing feline’s song stuck in your head; now get it wedged in your heart. This Valentine Nyan Cat Plush ($39.99) is a gentle way to bring your love of stupid cat memes and, you know, the person you’re in love with together.
The zombie apocalypse has come and gone, and you’ve found yourself one of the shambling undead. Oh sure, now you’re easy to shop for. Your beloved can just head down to the local brain depository, but what should you get them?
This handsome zombie cross stitch ($22) tells the only person you haven’t tried you eat what you can’t, that “Braaains means ‘I love you’ in zombie.” (UPDATE: It’s been sold! But, I’m sure you can stagger around and find another like it. The search for Braaains is never over…)
Mac on me
People with Macs have a stereotype to contend with – that of being insufferably proud of their beautiful but simple machines (Full disclosure: Hi, I’m Colleen, and I’m a Mac.). These power button earrings ($24) will do nothing to dispel that image.
But, if you or your loved one are PC people, you can take comfort in knowing some Mac had to die horribly for these to be made. They’re the techie equivalent of wearing fur.
Till Darth do us part
I still haven’t seen Star Wars, but even I know that Han and Leia are something of an item. Give one of these adjustable sterling silver rings ($45), one stamped with “I love you,” the other with “I know” to your significant other. It has all of the impact of saying something meaningful, with all of the convenience of paying someone else to say it for you.
She’s the only one you’d want to travel through time and space with. Show her she’s more than just your companion.
This pink Tardis iPhone case ($17.50) probably isn’t bigger on the inside, but it is pretty darn cute. The main thing is, she’ll think of you every time she goes to play Words with Friends. Well, that or David Tenant. Either way, she’ll thank you.
Let’s play with Mr. J
When you think of the modern representation of love in comic books, no doubt your brain goes straight to the most stable, devoted couple in the DC Universe – the Joker and Harley Quinn.
Ah, the illustrated Sid and Nancy of Gotham’s underworld! Give your guy or gal an ominous signal of things to come or a comforting signal that you understand their taste with this special Valentine’s Day set of Joker and Harley Quinn dolls ($20).
We brought this list to you early, so you won’t have any excuses not to get that perfect gift in time! In fact, there’s still plenty of time to get anything on this list for the guy or girl who fills your dance card. Unless you’re looking for a specific zombie cross stitch. Continue on that search.