Comic Complaints: Batman

Once again, no ratings this week. Rest assured, I’m gonna have a lot of ground to cover when I start those up again.

Today, I’m going to rant about a subject I constantly complain about. My editor and myself thought it would be a good idea to get it all out of my system.

I AM SO ANNOYED WITH BATMAN!

Like my last rant, I’m going to break this down into my three biggest complaints about Batman.

He IS the over-used night...knight? Whatever. Image courtesy of DC Wikia

1. TOO MUCH BATMAN

I will be the first to admit that the character of Batman has given us some of the best entertainment in the last 50 years. You’ve got movies, TV shows, cartoons, comics, etc, etc. But that is my problem: it’s ALL Batman.

After seven movies (and one on the way), a live action television series, several animated series, countless video games, and more comics than I can count, enough is enough. I understand that the Dark Knight is the highest grossing superhero of all time, and I understand good business practices. But I don’t care anymore.

You did see that part about seven movies, right? That’s not even including the five 1940′s serialized movies.

People always joke about a Starbucks coffee shop on every corner, but what about Batman? It’s the same over-saturation of the market. Everywhere I look, it’s Batman movies, Batman toys, Batman books, Batman vibrators…

DC, wake up, and give someone else a chance! I know you tried and failed with Green Lantern, and that you’re trying again with Superman. Remember, though: Just because a movie is horrible doesn’t mean you abandon the premise. Three words, Batman and Robin.

Plus, Batman guest appearances in other comics is quite common. Batman shows up in someone’s book and then all of the sudden, it’s ALL about Batman.

Screw the story line! Batman is here!

AND he is the focus of almost every Justice League cartoon that has come out recently. I just watched I Justice League: Doom, and the story is all Batman.

It’s like the world is so afraid to do something different, that all they do is keep retelling the same old story over and over again.

Which leads me to my next point…

2. BATMAN NEVER CHANGES

We all know the origin story. I mean, we’ve only seen it hundreds of times, right? Rich boy watches the murder of his mother and father, boy vows revenge, boy trains to become the ultimate detective, boy then puts on tights to scare criminals. I can only speculate on the amount of psychological damage done the night Bruce Wayne watched his parents die. But then again, most superheroes are orphans and have some kind of emotional baggage. My problem is he never deals with it.

I have been reading every issue of Batman since the New 52 started a few months back, and every single issue brings up his parents shot in front of him.

Every. Single. Issue.

We get it. Batman is the biggest badass because he lost the most in his life. No one has suffered like him…wait.

Barry Allen’s mother was murdered, and his father wrongly convicted of the crime

Kyle Rayner came home to find his girlfriend folded neatly into his refrigerator.

Hal Jordan watched his father blow up in an airplane crash.

J’onn J’onzz was witness to the destruction of his entire freakin’ race!

There are an endless number of tragedies that befall main characters in comics. Batman is the only one who doesn’t deal with it. There was a time when DC appeared to be veering away from the origin and was focusing more on the Bruce and Batman separation. But new writers means that all my hopes get dashed in an instant.

Although, I gotta say, the comic Batman and Robin might be going in the right direction. Instead of focusing on Bruce’s parents, they focus on Bruce as a parent. Looking forward on to how he is going to raise his son instead of looking back at the graves of his long dead parents.

3. BATMAN WINS

Years ago, when I first met the other writers here at The Cool Ship, we were all working in the same department of a retail giant that shall remain nameless. I hated the job, but I loved my coworkers. We were and still are geeks of many different aspects and one game we would always play in our downtime was “Who would win?”

For those of you who don’t know how to play, it’s easy! Take two characters and debate who would win in a fight. It’s incredible fun, but I had a problem with the game: Batman always seemed to win.

Usually it was stipulated that if Batman had time to prepare for the fight, he was going to win. Batman vs. God? With time to prepare? Somehow Batman would win.

He is the greatest detective on the planet. Plus, he is the most paranoid of any hero that I have ever seen. But how does that qualify him to win? There are villains and heroes of different universes that would make Batman his/her bitch. Stop and think about some of the characters in the DC universe. Some can kill with a touch, one is the embodiment of fear itself. But Batman can come up with a plan to stop them in only a few minutes!

No one is that good.

In every comic I read that has anything to do with Batman, he is always the leader. He’s always the one who leads the team to victory. The spotlight is always on a guy who likes to hide in the shadows.

Wait, what?

All of complaining comes down to one major point: Batman is a legend, but he is overshadowing comics and characters with stories that are better than his.

My only conclusion can be this: The mass populace wants a story that they are familiar with so they don’t have to try anything new.

Disagree? Make your points in the comments. Just give me time to prepare, because like Batman, I’m unstoppable if I get that…