Image: Marvelousroland via Flickr.
The women or heroines in sci-fi and action movies are often scantily clad, in head-to-toe leather with their boobs pushed up through a corset, or wearing skyscraper stilettos, but that really doesn’t bother me. I love sci-fi and action flicks, and the pros outweigh the cons. I thought of this while searching for a new bikini because gravity has forced my hand, and I need one with support. Thanks, aging. I have a love/hate relationship with gravity. I figure I can accept the saggy boobs or hurtle through space. Saggy boobs win. I knew that Victoria’s Secret had “supportive” options, but I was distracted by the excessive provocative poses by the buxom models. I’m sure I could’ve found a bikini that looked classy on me, but I just had to stop. The styles I liked had too much support – the kind of support that would make me look like a porn actress. I know there are men who would embrace this style wholeheartedly, and the entertainment industry uses this to its advantage.
It is widely understood that sci-fi and action audiences are usually men. There are exceptions, however: Women like me who proudly call themselves geeks and prefer “Battlestar Galactica” or “Star Trek” over a romantic comedy any day. My ex-boyfriend and I had a disagreement once about whether to see “Sex and the City” or “The Dark Knight.” I wanted to see the latter, which left me somewhat perplexed.
I also understand that the general marketing ploy is for the men to watch heroines battle the forces of evil (or good if they happen to be the villains) in skin-tight leather outfits and high heels, which results in more interest in the films and more profit for the film companies. If I were an actress and had the opportunity to look super hot and kick some bad guy ass, I totally would. There is something empowering about a chick who can drop kick a bad guy (or good guy) to the ground, or into a wall or off of a spaceship. The problem with the heroine wardrobe is that it is entirely impractical. Let me explain.
Scantily Clad Outfits:
In reality, a wardrobe malfunction is inevitable. For example, there is no classy or feminine way to easily get out of a car while wearing a miniskirt, or even a conservative pencil skirt. Gracefully keeping your legs together is difficult and awkward (unlike some questionable starlets who forget they’re not wearing any underpants while lumbering out of a luxury vehicle). As I tried to get out of my car one day, my pencil skirt, which fit me just fine might I add, totally ripped up to the middle of my ass. I lived on a main road in Cleveland and had to walk to my apartment building with my purse strategically placed so I wouldn’t flash the rush hour crowd. I’m sure a villain would be distracted by a high kick to the head by a heroine in a frilly thong just as much as the drivers if I hadn’t tried to be discreet.
Head-to-Toe Leather:
Impossible in real life. Just wearing one piece of leather makes normal muscle functions difficult. Leather pants, specifically, are really, really uncomfortable. Yeah, Trinity (Carrie Ann Moss) rocked in “The Matrix,” but did Trinity see the episode of “Friends” with Ross and his leather pants? He was so hot during a date that he removed his leather pants in her bathroom, and he couldn’t get them back on. Joey advised him that powder would absorb the moisture, which didn’t work. Then Ross tried lotion. The combination of powder and lotion made a paste, which exasperated Ross. He was forced to exit the bathroom with his leather pants around his ankles.
I also experienced the sweaty torment of leather pants when I wore them to a club on the Sunset Strip. I thought I looked pretty hot dancing in my awesome, sexy pants. Unfortunately, the dancing–combined with the lights and the heat–produced some serious sweat. Unlike regular pants, the leather pants restricted my dance moves and didn’t absorb the moisture. I felt the sweat dripping down my ass all the way down to my ankles. Honestly, where else would you wear leather pants other than on a night out on the town? Grocery shopping? Work? Of course not. Even if you’re Anne Hathaway as Catwoman or a yoga instructor, leather pants do not lend to flexibility for even the simplest task of swaying to some music in a club, let alone kicking some villain ass.
High Heels:
Why in the name of all that holy do directors have heroines running in high heels? Not even in kitten heels or 2-inch heels, which would be a tad more realistic. I love my sky high heels, but running at full speed in them is ludicrous. I would kill myself, or take someone else out after I tripped and used them as a landing cushion. I don’t even understand how European women can walk around on beautiful cobblestone streets without severely twisting their ankles. It’s difficult enough walking on flat concrete sidewalks. If the wind blows the right way, balance can be compromised and an embarrassing fall can prompt people to get out of their cars just to ask if you’re okay. Yeah, that happened – to me.
Not all sci-fi and action movies and television shows include this modus operandi. In one of the first episodes of Covert Affairs on USA, Piper Perabo’s character, Annie Walker, removed her stilettos while she dodged bullets. Thank you! If you’re chasing someone or being chased, there is no reason to run in heels. Take them off. I know that the movie and TV heroine wardrobe isn’t going to switch to yoga pants and sneakers, but for the rest of us, don’t try it at home.
