Why Jumping Rope is Ruining Our Children

Join me, oh citizens of the world (for this is not only a problem with our great United States of America)! Join me in decrying the vile, child-corrupting activities promoted on the evil Intertubes!

Our children are not safe! They are buying candy from pint-sized drug dealers. Drinking Arizona Tea from PAPER BAGS! And Pixie Stix?! Don’t get me started!

HELL IN A HAND BASKET!

And it all stems from jumping rope! Or, as these hellions name it, “Skip Rope!”

Wow.

There are so many things wrong with this video. Oh, Tweenchronic, where are your parents?

Can I just say that Patrice Wilson, of ARK Music Factory, has an unexplainable, terrible, and awesome thing going on, here? With “hits” like Rebecca Black’s nasally “Friday” and Nicole Westbrook’s “It’s Thanksgiving,” Wilson is something of a genius, tapping into over-indulgent, rich parents who are convinced their children are talented.

But, there’s something about it all that makes me think he’s convinced ARK’s turning out hits. Take a look at “Happy,” Wilson’s official sequel to “Friday.”

Does he know it’s all crap? Or is he legitimately defending his productions? I just can’t tell.

What do you think? Is Tweenchronic the newest dynamic duo? Is Wilson an evil genius? Let me know in the comments!

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