Sure the plot of the first two Expendables films was as incoherent as director/star Sylvester Stalone singing Tip Toe Through the Tulips with a mouthful of jaw breakers, but the idea was solid enough; jam as many aging action stars as you into an explosion-packed shoot ’em up and market it to 30 somethings who grew up watching these actors kick, stab and shoot the bad guys. The box office bank, of course, guaranteed the sequel, and the sequel guaranteed even more dried up old anti-heroes blowing up the baddies played by other old actioners.
While it seemed amazing to see Arnold Schwarzenegger share the screen with Dolph Lundgren and Jason Statham, the novelty wears off pretty quickly. Honestly, I only watched the second film for the inside jokes, the highlight of which is Chuck Norris tossing out references to his Internet fandom. I was really surprised to learn that the threequel had been greenlit.
Adding to its already ridiculously overcrowded stable with the likes of straight to video king Steven Seagal and recent parolee Wesley Snipes, Expendables 3 is due in 2014. We learned this week, however, that the film will have to go on without the likes of Bruce Willis. Series creator Stalone announced on Twitter that Willis was “greedy and lazy” and had been released from the project. I wonder if perhaps Rocky discovered that John McLane could actually act.
Moments after announcing the ouster of Willis, Stallone made another announcement; he welcomed Harrison Ford into the Expendables fold. I will repeat that because it bears repeating–Harrison Ford will be in the freaking Expendables!! The question I keep asking myself is why?? Why would someone like Harrison Ford want to be in something as ridiculous as an Expendables sequel. Why would an actor of his caliber want to lend his gravitas to such a piece of tripe?
Sadly my answer was obvious. It was the same answer that was offered to Holly Martins in the classic film The Third Man– “For the money.” See I just made a reference to a film that probably only one person in the sure to be simply awful Expendables 3 would get. That person is Harrison Ford.
Harrison Ford is in the freaking Expendables!!!! You win, Universe