I was extremely hesitant to write this post, but I needed to write something–and this seemed like as good a topic as any.
I’m on a diet.
Yeah, I know. New year, new you. You have my permission to look at the screen skeptically for a moment… I’ll wait. No worries. You’ve earned that right to do so.
Anyway, I’m on a diet: counting calories, trying to get more steps than I normally do, etc. I’ve been meaning to do this for awhile; I just never really got around to it. It’s really easy to make excuses for your weight when you’re 6’6″. But I’m also up to about 375 lbs right now. There’s no real excuse for being that heavy. Reasons, for sure, but not an excuse.
I work a pretty sedentary job, but I’m discovering that I was using food for comfort. If I was stressed, I would eat. When I was relaxing, I would eat. Breaking that cycle is difficult.
I was inspired to do this by my parents, weirdly enough. When I was young, they quit smoking. I remember it being a bit of a nightmare at the time, but they did it. In my pride, I thought that if they could do something to better their lives, that I could, too.
So, here I am: officially day four. I’m doing pretty well, I think. The low-level always-hunger started on day two, though. I remember reading that a person on a major diet would feel hungry a lot; however, this reminds me of a ringing in your ears that you can never get rid of–except it’s in your stomach, and your body knows that you can stop it by shoving tortilla chips by the score in your face.
Day three brought a neat emotional breakdown where I knew everything was awful and nothing was ever going to be okay for myriad reasons. Have you ever seen a grown man crying in the pickup line of an elementary school for no reason? Well, the mom in the Honda Odyssey in front of me who looked in her rear view mirror did.
I’m hoping she just thought I was sensitive.
So why am I doing this?
Health, really. I’m mostly okay with the way I look. I mean, my beard is on point and I dress pretty well. I don’t really want to keel over and leave my kids fatherless and my wife having to date again… because dating is awful. What a nightmare; I would never want to have her go through that mess again.
I’m trying to gamify this whole journey as well. Weight loss is a quest, and the more days I hit my calorie goals, the more experience points I’ll have as this quest gets more difficult. It’s been working so far. Granted, I’m still only four days in.
I was told that I need to have some concrete goals, so here is what they are:
I’d like to get down to 275, preferably 250, but at 275 I can basically go about my life without fear of my heart exploding at any moment. My family has a history of heart disease, so staving that off is important.
I’d also like to be in shape enough to cosplay. If you’ve read any of this blog, you know that I’m a pretty nerdy dude, so being able to dress up as Thor or Superman or Khelben “Blackstaff” Arunsun would be pretty cool. I would never body shame anyone of my size that wanted to do it, but I’m not comfortable cosplaying at my size. Getting my fitness on, however, is going to have to come after I get the eating habit under control. I know myself well enough to know that I won’t keep at it if I have to change everything about myself at once.
So, that’s where I’m at. It’s going to be a long journey, but my family is supportive. I told my son last night that I was eating less food so that my belly would get smaller. I told him that I was going to be cranky sometimes, but that I would try not to be cranky to him and his sister. That night, he prayed for me to not be so cranky.
He’s a sweet kid. I like him a lot.
I’ll try to give frequent updates, as well as more musings about any nerdy thing that comes to my mind, as 2016 progresses. Stay boffo, friends.