Tag Archives: Darth Vader

Sweeping Up the Dark Lord’s Mess

They lurk in engine rooms and basements of spaceships, waiting to surface from the depths of darkness to mop away the madness of spills and dead rebels. Yes, I said dead rebels. Did you ever wonder who cleaned up after Darth Vader or the clones? Someone has to. That Death Star gets dirty!

The Guild producers, Davin Lengyel and Geoff Lapaire, created an awesomely geeky Space Janitors webseries. I’m assuming that the cast can’t mention Darth Vader, the Emperor, or Storm Troopers because of copyright laws. This problem does not lessen the humor or detract from any reference identification. The Emperor is the Dark Lord, etc. You’ll get it.

My favorite episode at the moment is “Light-Based Arm Cutter Instrument.” The main characters, Darby Richards and Mike Chet, are in the basement of the spaceship (which is the creators version of the Death Star) just wiping up another mess and something falls from above. Darby nonchalantly picks up a severed hand attached to some sort of saber-like device. The hand gets tossed into a hazardous waste receptacle as the duo tries to figure out the purpose of the “electrical instrument.” The Empire Strikes Back reference is just brilliant. So, I guess we know what happened to Luke’s hand!

After using it as a musical instrument, a “mush cooker” (mush is their food and comes in a rainbow array of colors), and several accidents involving Mike’s arms, any fan of Star Wars, or The Guild, won’t be disappointed. Space Janitors is a humorous trip through the Empire’s class system with the exploits of individuals stuck in dead-end jobs who just want more out of their lives.

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Alright, Disney. Here’s What You Need to Do With Star Wars.

Since the announcement of Disney’s most recent purchase, fanboys young and old have been at odds as to whether this acquisition is a good thing or a bad thing. Some may think it blasphemous, but I think it’s a good thing.

[source: geek.com]

When Disney bought Marvel some time ago, I was greatly skeptical. I was going on the belief that they were going to ruin my childhood, due to their past decisions to make sub-par sequels to the classic animated films I grew up watching, nearly 20+ years after the originals were released. My thinking was that if they have no problem half-assing their way through those sequels, even having the nerve to want to make them, what would they do to my comic book superheroes? Needless to say, they proved me wrong. Marvel Entertainment has only gotten better, especially the films.

So when the news broke that they purchased all of LucasArts, I was pretty excited. Even more so when they announced Episode 7 in 2015. Huzzah, I say!

But in order for this new pairing to be absolutely worth it, some things need to happen.

[source: geekologie.com]

First, and I’m not sure if this has happened already, make Princess Leia an official Disney Princess. Royal treatment and all. Add her to the line-up and have her strolling around the theme parks with the rest of them, greeting the kiddies with a sarcastic wit that we know and love from our favorite Alderaan princess. What better way to improve the Disney experience?

Second, add a new section to the theme parks – A Star Wars section! All Star Wars, all the time. Not just the Star Wars Weekends that they’ve been doing, a year-round set of attractions. If they have to, build on to the damn parks. I want it to be its own park. And just replace Euro Disney with Star Wars. Everyone will be so much happier and I’m sure it would greatly improve business.

Third, bring the Star Wars Universe into the Kingdom Hearts Universe. SquareEnix just needs to scrap whatever they have for KH3 right now and start from scratch. I’ll wait. It would totally be worth it. Think about it….Lightsaber Keyblades! Sora and Luke Skywalker vs. Sephiroth and Darth Vader in one of the greatest sword fights ever! The epicness could not be rated, it would be off the charts. This needs to happen. And while they’re at it, since Disney also owns Marvel, they could bring in the Marvel Universe as well. Make it a three-part game.

How great would this be? [source: thefw.com]

Fourth, let Pixar make a series of animated Star Wars films. Freak yes! There would be no end to the greatness of those films. Everything they do is gold, nay platinum, so give them a chance. A movie about Han and Chewie’s adventures before the original trilogy would be amazing.

Finally, the new trilogy or trilogies. Make them worth it. Make them as good, if not better than the originals. Make us all believers again and make the naysayers eat their words of hate and disbelief. Star Wars fans need these new films to be beyond spectacular in order heal the hurt we felt after the lackluster debacles that were the prequels. So choose your writers, directors, producers, and especially actors wisely and don’t fail us.

It’s a short list of demands and some might think that I’m asking for too much but I think I’m asking for just enough. I know you can do it, Disney. The Force is strong with you.

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