Tag Archives: hollywood

Do We Really Need Another Godzilla Remake?

I mean, really?! Do we?

I know we don’t NEED one, so I guess my question should be “Do we really want another Godzilla remake?” Why can’t we just be satisfied with the classics and be done with it? Why must Hollywood once again milk the teets (does it have teets?) of Japan’s beloved gigantic lizard? Wasn’t the last horrible remake enough to make them say, “Hey, maybe we should just let this one go.”

original-godzilla

I am perfectly content with the old school, guy-in-a-rubber-lizard-suit Godzilla flicks. I don’t need a giant CGI Godzilla rampaging through some unsuspecting city (probably L.A. or NY), breathing radioactive fire, and thwarting the military at every turn. We all know how the movie is going to play out. He’ll show up mysteriously (because no one ever notices the monstrous lizard hiding undersea), wreck a butt-ton of buildings, kill a lot of people, and just basically scare the shit out of people. Everyone will get super-dramatic and not know what to do but will try a bunch of stuff that they think will work but ultimately know won’t. And then one scientist, or an incredibly intelligent citizen (probably Bryan Cranston), will figure out a weakness Godzilla has and then the military will develop a plan to destroy him. Same thing every time.

Did Pacific Rim not fill the giant, rampaging monster quota for a while? Is there a quota? If not, there should be. Maybe not a quota but a limit. There should definitely be a limit on remakes. Maybe one or two a year. I have no problem with a good remake every now and then, but when the theaters are being overrun with them like deer, it’s time we “thin the herd.”

The original idea is becoming somewhat of a lost art anymore. I know that a lot of people say that truly original ideas don’t exist anymore but at least some people are trying. Sure it’s easy money to take another person’s previous work, repackage it, and sell it as your own, but where’s the fun in that. If a writer did that with a book, they’d call it plagiarism. Someone does it with a film, it’s called a reboot. Makes no sense.

Ya know, I’m glad Bryan Cranston is getting work, especially since he won’t be playing Lex Luthor anytime soon. And I’m talking as though I’ll boycott this film for the rest of my life but I’ll end up watching it eventually, probably when it hits Netflix. However, I still believe that this film doesn’t need to be made and Hollywood needs to take a very long break from remakes and reboots. New, original material is required.

Here’s the trailer for the new Godzilla film. By the way, there is no way in hell those paratroopers are going to do any sort of damage to Godzilla. I’m gonna bet that most if not all of them will die. Great plan, guys.

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Celebrities Suck!

Every now and then I feel the need to vent about celebrities, how useless they are, and how much they anger me. This is one of those times.

Don't look up. God hates you.

Don’t look up. God hates you.

Recently, my girlfriend informed me that Kim Kardashian was pregnant by Kanye West. Ya see, I’m an atheist and I make no bones about it, so I don’t believe in God or the Rapture or any of that but I’m pretty sure if there is a God, he/she is disgusted and about to bring upon the end times.

Two of the most conceited, self-centered, arrogant, moronic, colostomy bags of people the world has ever seen are having a child?! Just shoot me in the face right now! This hellspawn will be the biggest d-bag ever and not even Satan will want anything to do with that abomination. And you know the three of them are gonna be talked about in every media possible. Topics like what ridiculous name they gave it, what unbelievable crap they buy it, and every little thing the despicable little jackass does over the course of its first year. This will be worse then when Jay-Z and Beyonce had a kid. Much worse.

And speaking of Beyonce, Destiny’s Child are apparently making a comeback. Let’s see, she hasn’t been in the news in a while, solo career had become kinda meh, and the other two girls weren’t doing anything at all and I’m sure needed money. So what better way to cash in and get back in the spotlight than to organize a comeback?

Seriously, who wears a hat like that?!

Seriously, who wears a hat like that?!

Yeah, let’s fill the airwaves with more of below sub-par, mediocre pop noise. I’m sure Jay-Z will produce it and make an appearance on the album so he can cash in too. Prepare yourselves for a repetitive flooding of soul-rotting pop music, one to two overly-priced tours, and a non-stop brain-bashing of media coverage. Build your fallout shelters now and just hang out until this is all over.

Finally, let’s chat about Kanye’s best friend, Taylor Swift. She has reached the point of celebrity where people care less about her music and more about who is dating and then breaking up with, which leads them to care about her music because she writes a new song each time she has a break up. This girl used to be a role model for you girls everywhere because she was considered wholesome and didn’t succumb to the pitfalls of celebrity, which is something impressionable girls need, right? Better than becoming mistakes of society like the Jersey Shore skanks. But now she’s no better than them. Celebrity got the best of her and now she is making her way through any and every male celebrity she can, gaining material for new music along the way. Eventually she’ll be alone and destitute, singing songs about her cats (because that’s all she’ll have left) and days gone by.

 

The definition of douche, Jared Leto.

The definition of douche, Jared Leto.

I think for her final album she should date Jared Leto for a while. Then they can both write songs about how much the other one sucks and see which album does better, critically and financially. I’ll pick up the Thirty Seconds to Mars album. Leto has become a self righteous douchebag, but I’ll be damned if he doesn’t write some fantastic music.

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