Tag Archives: New Year

Living Less Large


My kids, nephew, friend, me, and my belly.

I was extremely hesitant to write this post, but I needed to write something–and this seemed like as good a topic as any.

I’m on a diet.

Yeah, I know. New year, new you. You have my permission to look at the screen skeptically for a moment… I’ll wait. No worries. You’ve earned that right to do so.


Anyway, I’m on a diet: counting calories, trying to get more steps than I normally do, etc. I’ve been meaning to do this for awhile; I just never really got around to it. It’s really easy to make excuses for your weight when you’re 6’6″. But I’m also up to about 375 lbs right now. There’s no real excuse for being that heavy. Reasons, for sure, but not an excuse.

I work a pretty sedentary job, but I’m discovering that I was using food for comfort. If I was stressed, I would eat. When I was relaxing, I would eat. Breaking that cycle is difficult.

I was inspired to do this by my parents, weirdly enough. When I was young, they quit smoking. I remember it being a bit of a nightmare at the time, but they did it. In my pride, I thought that if they could do something to better their lives, that I could, too.

So, here I am: officially day four. I’m doing pretty well, I think. The low-level always-hunger started on day two, though. I remember reading that a person on a major diet would feel hungry a lot; however, this reminds me of a ringing in your ears that you can never get rid of–except it’s in your stomach, and your body knows that you can stop it by shoving tortilla chips by the score in your face.

Day three brought a neat emotional breakdown where I knew everything was awful and nothing was ever going to be okay for myriad reasons. Have you ever seen a grown man crying in the pickup line of an elementary school for no reason? Well, the mom in the Honda Odyssey in front of me who looked in her rear view mirror did.

I’m hoping she just thought I was sensitive.

So why am I doing this?

Health, really. I’m mostly okay with the way I look. I mean, my beard is on point and I dress pretty well. I don’t really want to keel over and leave my kids fatherless and my wife having to date again… because dating is awful. What a nightmare; I would never want to have her go through that mess again.

I’m trying to gamify this whole journey as well. Weight loss is a quest, and the more days I hit my calorie goals, the more experience points I’ll have as this quest gets more difficult. It’s been working so far. Granted, I’m still only four days in.


Does it get any sexier? Khelben has mad game.

I was told that I need to have some concrete goals, so here is what they are:

I’d like to get down to 275, preferably 250, but at 275 I can basically go about my life without fear of my heart exploding at any moment. My family has a history of heart disease, so staving that off is important.

I’d also like to be in shape enough to cosplay. If you’ve read any of this blog, you know that I’m a pretty nerdy dude, so being able to dress up as Thor or Superman or  Khelben “Blackstaff” Arunsun would be pretty cool. I would never body shame anyone of my size that wanted to do it, but I’m not comfortable cosplaying at my size. Getting my fitness on, however, is going to have to come after I get the eating habit under control. I know myself well enough to know that I won’t keep at it if I have to change everything about myself at once.

So, that’s where I’m at. It’s going to be a long journey, but my family is supportive. I told my son last night that I was eating less food so that my belly would get smaller. I told him that I was going to be cranky sometimes, but that I would try not to be cranky to him and his sister. That night, he prayed for me to not be so cranky.

He’s a sweet kid. I like him a lot.

I’ll try to give frequent updates, as well as more musings about any nerdy thing that comes to my mind, as 2016 progresses. Stay boffo, friends.

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2013: Quarter- Assing my Resolution


“Now is the accepted time to make your regular annual good resolutions. Next week
you can begin paving hell with them as usual. Yesterday, everybody smoked his
last cigar, took his last drink, and swore his last oath. Today, we are a pious
and exemplary community. Thirty days from now, we shall have cast our
reformation to the winds and gone to cutting our ancient shortcomings
considerably shorter than ever. We shall also reflect pleasantly upon how we did
the same old thing last year about this time. However, go in, community. New
Year’s is a harmless annual institution, of no particular use to anybody save as
a scapegoat for promiscuous drunks, and friendly calls, and humbug resolutions,
and we wish you to enjoy it with a looseness suited to the greatness of the
occasion.” Mark Twain – Letter to Virginia City Territorial
, Jan. 1863


It’s a new year! Time to make new resolutions and evaluate the huge embarrassing failure that became of last year’s pledges to change.  Yearly many people participate in this ritual. According to a poll in USA Today (the McDonald’s of newspapers) the three most common resolutions are to lose weight, save money and quit smoking.

Image courtesy of Wikimedia Commons

Image courtesy of Wikimedia Commons

Though I quit smoking 3 years ago it was not the result of a resolution, and I only miss it every single day. As for saving money, last year was the year I became an adult. A real adult in possession of a living trust, a will and a 401k. If I am to choose from the most common resolutions that would only leave losing weight. For me the decision to reduce my body mass would be the second worst resolution in recorded history; the first being when Abraham Lincoln resolved to take in more live theater. What, too soon?

I need a resolution with a very broad definition of success, one that lacks a traditional tracking metric and thus has little room for failure. A resolution that I can walk away from midyear and return to at a later time with little to no impact on the outcome. This may imply that I am half- assing the resolution process, but in reality it is probably more like quarter-assing.

So, for 2013 I have selected a foolproof and unavoidable inevitability as my resolution. In 2013 I resolve to become the answer to a trivia question. How will I achieve this? Who knows. Maybe I will discover cold fusion or set a Guinness world record for sleeping the least hours in a year. Perhaps I can write a song that could rival the lyrical wonder that is Gangnam Style or Call Me Maybe.

Bring on 2013–the Year of the Snake. With any luck, 2013 will be the year I am to finally achieve my resolution. Maybe that is the answer, I will become the first person to actually achieve my resolution. Thus becoming the answer to a trivia question.

Circular resolution = double points!

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